Why doesn’t the world stop???

When my Gram died Mother’s Day of 2010 I was completely out of sorts.  I stayed with my Grandpa and brother for a week so we could get Gramps put together with the paper work that was to follow, cancelling Grams appointments and helping with whatever needed to be done.  I barely ate or slept and darn near cried at the drop of a hat.   When I came home to my family I couldn’t believe the world hadn’t stopped here like it did when I was with Grandpa and Ben.  I had to go back to work, had to take care of my kids and I had to live …… without her.  I didn’t think I could do it and there are times I don’t know how I am doing it.

Friday afternoon my friend Katrina had the difficult job of calling me and other out of towners that one of our best friends had passed away.   I felt like I was hit by a brick, it was happening again.  Only this time I didn’t have a week to process before heading back to reality.  My daughters can’t understand why Mommy can’t stop crying or why she can’t play.  So Chad has let me grieve and my oldest is trying to do the sweetest things.  It’s harder for her because she knew Aunt Jodi was sick and made her several get wells cards and pictures that I was supposed to deliver when I visited her in the hospital on Saturday.  I told her Aunt Jodi was getting better, because that was the truth.  When I told her Aunt Jodi died, I don’t think she understood because she just stared at me.

Why doesn’t the world stop?  to give us time to grieve before life has to begin again?

Pyper got up later after processing what I told her and wrote another card to Aunt Jodi but didn’t know how to deliver it.  She thought about it and asked me to take it to the funeral, she wants to go but I think it will be too hard for both of us.

After I read her note I explained that as much as we want that’s just something not something that can not happen.  She said to me “I know Mom” so I guess that’s just how she is feeling.  So am I.

When I came home from Grandpa’s a year and a half ago I was constantly looking at Gram’s facebook page she just started it and it just sat there.  My sister and I wrote on her wall how much we missed her.  I looked at it every day and saw everyone else’s status’ wondering how they are going on when I can’t.  Now with Jodi gone I find myself doing the same thing.  Looking at Jodi’s page seeing all the people she made and impact on and then seeing normal status’ and wondering again…..why hasn’t the whole world stopped to grieve my friend?  Why is so and so at the movies and why is so and so shopping? don’t they know she’s gone???

Fact is Gram kept it from us that she was so sick because she didn’t want our world to stop,  she wanted us to take care of our families and go about our days and not grieve before she was gone.  She wanted us to live because she knew the world goes on whether we are ready for it or not.  Jodi would have wanted the same thing, just as she was she was able to live because she didn’t know what was to come.  She was living her life to the fullest she was at a place where she was so happy with every aspect in her life, family, work, friends her charity work.  She would want us all to live on and to take the reins when it came keeping friendships alive no matter how far away, keeping up with her Komen work and just plain living. It will be hard.

Her funeral is Thursday, I’m not ready, none of us are until then I think we may all be wondering the same thing.

Why doesn’t the world stop???

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